Monday, 23 January 2017

YOU'RE GOING OUT LIKE THAT?

                       January nights out are more difficult when you've got Christmas baggage!

'YOU'RE not going out dressed like that.'        
'I am. What's wrong with it?'

       
'What's wrong with it? The neckline is way too low and the skirt is way too short! It's a bit slutty!'


I stare at my younger daughter and roll my eyes.


I'm still carrying all those extra seasonal pounds.    
'First of all, that's the sort of thing I'm supposed to say to you! You're not supposed to tell me what to wear.'


She peers at me over gorgeous, hipster spectacles.

      
'I have to, when you appear in something like that, Mum. I'm trying to save you from making a show of yourself.'


The husband and I are having dinner with some friends. I'm really looking forward to it. Or at least I was, until about two minutes ago.

       
Part of the problem, of course, is Christmas. To be more specific, the fact that we're barely through the other side. And I'm still carrying all those extra seasonal pounds.

The dress - the little black number that I've had, since my offspring were too young to notice what I wore - is stretchy. Which is why I'm wearing it tonight.

         
And I've dressed it down. This is a casual enough get together with friends, after all. I'm wearing a skinny black top underneath, so her accusation that my neckline is too low is a moot point.

Ditto the hemline. I'm wearing ribbed tights. With boots! It's all very Boho.

         
'Have you a nice skirt and top you could wear, Mum?' Her tone is the same one that the husband uses when he's asking the eldest if she'll be warm enough, as she heads out clubbing.

I'm wearing this. Get over yourself.

Just before he tries to persuade her to wear a cardigan.


The fact that she looks exactly the same as I used to at her age has completely escaped him.

         
'I'm sure I have a nice skirt and top,' I tell our middle child. 'But I'm wearing this. Get over yourself.'

        
'Fine.' She goes upstairs. Bloody cheek, I think. I look....great. And my hair is definitely working. I had it professionally styled yesterday. No, I look grand. Really.

The husband appears, jacket on, car keys in hand.

       
'You right?' says he.

       
'We're off, you lot. See you later!' I check on the boy, who's curled up in front of the TV, being minded by the eldest. The middle one comes running down the stairs, just as we go to leave.

         
'Wait, Mum. You're going to need this.'

       
'What is it?'


She thrusts something soft, long and floaty into my arms.

         
'It'll look great with that outfit,' she says. Her eyes plead with mine.


I sigh, and take the damned cardigan.

                                                           *


* Dear Reader, this column first appeared in This Funny Irish Life in Jan 2016. I have been sick, and was unable to write my column for this Monday. My column will return to normal for Monday, Feb 6. 

To share my column, please check the sharing buttons below. Or feel free to leave a comment :)

If you'd like to get THIS FUNNY IRISH LIFE FREE via email every fortnight, go to the Follow by Email box to the top right of this post.

What does that mean?
   1. You'll NEVER MISS my fun, fortnightly personal column + updates/guest author posts!
   2. Your email address will NEVER be shared or misused.
No spamming - I promise.


One last thing: If you're looking for a light, fun, romantic read this new year, why not give my Irish romantic comedy, 'Going Against Type' a try?

The link below will bring you to the page at Tirgearr Publishing, where you can enjoy some free sample chapters, and all the buy links for every e-reader.*

Tirgearr Publishing
 


See you next time with a brand new column,
Hugs & xx
Sharon.

Monday, 9 January 2017

12 New Year Resolutions

                                                 
                                                    New Year Resolutions: Make a List!



SO HERE it is. After all the hype, all the weird and wonderful of 2016, the New Year has arrived.

And in the spirit of all that is new and fresh, I have decided to make a list of resolutions.

I know a lot of people make lists. Some people even stick to them.

But apart from scribbling down daily reminders of what I need to do in a desk diary - and believe me, if it's not in the diary, it doesn't get done - I tend to avoid them. 

However, 2017 is a new me. And so to my list.


1. Get to bed by 10.30 every night.

It might not seem like a big deal. Actually, it is. This is because some strange part of my brain tells me that the night hours are an excellent time for cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry.

For some reason, I get a burst of energy, just when other people are powering down. It could be guilt. Who knows?

On occasion, I am also glued to a movie. Sadly, this is sometimes a horror movie. I say sadly, because I end up watching it BY MYSELF. Afterwards I am too terrified to move.

Especially up a dark stairs and into a dark bedroom, in a bid not to waken the rest of the family. Unless of course they've already been woken by my shrieks of terror as I watch the TV.

Plus, if I manage to get to bed by 10.30, I have some hope of getting up early the following morning. I am not a morning person.


2. Eat a better diet.

In my dreams I bounce out of bed, after a perfect 7 hours' sleep, to eat a breakfast of home-made muesli, tonnes of fruit and a mug of green tea.

In reality I drag myself out of bed to force down some packet muesli or eggs (fried!), followed by my morning coffee as soon as I can get it.


3. Eat less cheese.

I'm not cheating by making this a separate point. I love cheese in the way other people love chocolate (I love that too, but let's not get distracted).

I read that you can become addicted to cheese, in the same way you can become addicted to hard drugs. It's a possibility I'm willing to consider.


4. Lose Weight.

Says practically every woman, every year. What can I say? See 2. and 3.


5. Live in the moment.

Rather than in denial. I do denial extremely well. Like being completely unprepared for Christmas a week before Christmas. Because I have a whole week!

Or knowing I will lose a stone in weight for a wedding. When the wedding is less than a month away.

Denial: not just a river in Egypt.


6. Plan better.

Which, at a glance, seems to be the opposite of living in the moment. My theory is that if you can plan that moment, you can live it better. At this moment, that makes perfect sense to me. Moving on.


7. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Like the time I accidentally dropped a casserole dish on the kitchen floor and it smashed and cracked a tile so badly, we still have tape over it.

The tiles cover the whole floor and the cracked tile looks awful. I got more upset about the broken casserole. And the dinner I'd just made in it.


8. Use a bell.
It will mean less shouting at the offspring. Note I didn't say NO SHOUTING at the offspring. This is a list of resolutions, not miracles.

9. Exercise more.

This may appear to be part of the whole losing weight plan, but in fact I just need those extra endorphins. If losing weight is a side-effect, I'll take it on the chin. Or you know, off my hips. Whichever is more convenient.


10. Learn yoga.

I have a confession. I'm less interested in the whole mind-body-spirit thing, and more influenced by somebody I know who actually teaches yoga.

She is older than me. She still looks about 30: at a push. So the yoga aspiration is pure vanity. Now you know.


11. Declutter.

Be honest, if you've read my column before you knew this would be in here. Sometimes (late at night when I should be in bed) I declutter a small space.

Then I stand in that space and breathe. I'm convinced the air is different after I throw stuff out.

The possibility of decluttering the whole house is mind-blowing. Which might dove-tail nicely with yoga. I'll find out.


12. Stop making lists.

They're exhausting. And a bit scary.

                                                          *


A very Happy New Year to everyone. I'm looking forward to 2017, with a host of new columns, each of which will appear, as always, once a fortnight. 

If you'd like to share my column, please check the sharing buttons below.

Please feel free to leave a comment, I'm always thrilled to hear from readers around the world. 


If you'd like to get THIS FUNNY IRISH LIFE FREE via email every fortnight, go to the Follow by Email box to the top right of this post.

What does that mean?
   1. You'll NEVER MISS my fun, fortnightly personal column + updates/guest author posts!
   2. Your email address will NEVER be shared or misused.
No spamming - I promise.


*If you're looking for a light, fun, romantic read this new year, why not give my Irish romantic comedy, 'Going Against Type' a try?

The link below will bring you to the page at Tirgearr Publishing, where you can enjoy some free sample chapters, and all the buy links for every e-reader.*

Tirgearr Publishing
 

Health and happiness for 2017,
Hugs & xx,
Sharon.